WTF!

So heres my first hosting of the Wow, That's Funny! Carnival, and let me tell you, I am a proud host. So I have the submissions. Vote for three of your favorites. And laugh. Laugh your heart out.

A

1. What are you doing?

2. I need to dot something before I let you use my computer.

1. What, hiding your porno?

2. No, I don’t hide it when I have company.

1. ….Oh…. Fun!

B

Gay boyfriends are such a pain in the ass.

C

Gosh, I hate mild annoyances

D

You know, unlike some people not everything I say is a backhanded comment.

E

1: But he'll die if I tell him it's over!
2: Don't worry, it's for the best...

F

Worst DJ in the world: "Up next, a bass test, followed by white noise, the dead air, and 'two and a half hours of static,' and that is not a band!"

J

I'm having a bad eyebrow day.

I

I've learned that the best way to end most types of  pain is to simply stop breathing.

J

Sometimes I love my family…but that was before I understood English.

K

I like to call myself a potential comedian.  You know 

what that means? It means that I have potential.  It means that I'd be 

funnier if you bastards paid me more.

L

For the love of god, it's spelled "pedophilia," not 

"pedofilia"!

M

See now, the magical thing about life is, no matter 

how hard you try to jam the razor into your artery, a giant pink bunny 

always comes and stops you.

N

1. Hey, dude?

2. Yeah?

1. Have you ever tried to google google?

2. Whadduya mean?

1. Well, I mean, like, go to google, and type G-O-O-G-L-E into the search bar

2. Huh?

1. Alright, well, you go to your web provider, and type the URL www.google.com into the bar, and then, once you’re there, you type the letters g-o-o-g-l-e into the search bar

2. What?

1. You GO TO GOOGLE and GOOGLE IT

2. Say again

1. I mean, go fuck yourself

2. Yeah, I’ve tried that before

O

Eh, I might be sleeping.

Well, I'm probably sleeping.

Let me rephrase, there is a great likelyhood that I am sleeping.

No, no. Ahem. There is a 70% chance that I am sleeping.

Wait....

a 90% chance.

a 95% chance

a 97% chance

a 97.3% chance.

In fact, let's just say that you could bet on the fact that I am sleeping.

No, wait, don't bet.

Betting is bad for your Kidney.

P

1. So I know this girl, and she's like the energizer bunny

2. Yeah?

1. Yeah but on drugs

2. Oh, you mean like going going going going going going whoa, have you ever noticed how big my left nostril is? It’s like HUGE! and also a little bit too far to the right.

Q

1. I just gargled Listerine for 5 minutes straight

2…and?

1. My mouth is so damn fresh it I can’t feel it anymore!

R

1.  Oh no!

2.  What?

1.  I've lost my cellphone.

2.  Oh, that's no problem.

1.  Why?

2.  Well, you can just call your cellphone, and leave 

a message telling 

yourself to call you back and tell you where you left 

your cellphone.

1.  ...you're an idiot.

2.  Fuck you.