PS3 REviews Part 2: The Orange Box part 1

Continuing my tradition of reviewing the same games a s Yahtzee I've finally started to play through the Orange Box more thoroughly. First I'll review Portal. Note, I have not finished the game, or Half Life, but I'll still review it because I feel like it.

The gameplay is amazing. The story is amazing. The character development is amazing. Basically the game is pretty damn amazing. It starts out annoyingly quickly, and as soon as you get to level 15, everything slows down a bit, which makes the game, short as it is, worth enjoying the scenery of. I seriously would have gotten the Box for this game alone. Thankfully the other games are worth playing as well.

Gameplay 10/10
Graphics 9/10
Difficulty Curve 5/10 but enjoyably so
Overall 9/10

PS3 Reviews Part 1: Army of TWO

This is the first in what I hope to be a series of PS3 reviews of the various games I own, and the demos that I have played.

The first game I talk about will be my current favorite, Army of TWO. The title links to the Zero Punctuation review, just in case you find mine not funny enough.

First of all, you have to treat it like a video game, and that means, as with the early video games that are now all classics, that you should ignore the blatant plot, and focus on the driving force of the game. The backstory to this game is that you are an Army Ranger, you and your partner, and you eventually become a private military contractor. Running around the world to kill the bad guys brings you to some classic places that you might expect, especially if you have been watching the news for the last few years. First Africa, then Afghanistan, then Iraq, then China, and then finally you get to blow up stuff in America. Why? Its predictable, but I won’t give it away. So though the plot is full of propaganda to the point of bursting, it is still good at giving the game a reason to be played and to have a story. Also, it’s really funny interacting with “That MUTHAFUCKA Clyde.”

Second, being a PMC, you have some friends who will help you out at various points in the game. Basically, in the middle of a mission you can spend thousands of dollars and buy new weapons and upgrades. You can also make you weapons look “Pimped Out” which I must admit looks stupid, but it is an option. Personally, I love the SAW ($20,000) for my main weapon, and the DSR-1 ($17,500) for special weapons. The secondary weapons don’t matter as much, but they are useful. For that, it’s stylistically what you prefer. Handgun, semi, or full blown automatic? For some reason, armor upgrades automatically, so you never have to buy that. You can also buy cool new masks if you actually care what face your enemies see when they die. The cinematics do not adjust to your purchases unfortunately.

Third. This is meant to be a co-op game obviously, otherwise it would not be called Army of TWO. For this reason I believe, they made the single player AI helper dumb as a rock. Co-op mode is very fun and helps you see how versatility affects your team. Also, different fighting styles are useful in different areas, so it is interesting to see how your team adjusts.

So, my scoring of this game goes as follows.

Graphics: 10/10 (it's a PS3 game)
Gameplay: 8/10

Singleplayer: 4/10

Multiplyaer: 10/10

Enemy AI: 6/10

Difficulty curve: 7/10

Overall: 8/10

A Letter to the Anorexic Community

First of all, if you are anorexic, or you know someone who is, make sure that this is read. I do expect only about three people to read this, so for those three people, let's break it down.

Secondly: anorexia is a disease of sorts. It causes the affected persons to inflict bodily harm on themselves. Why? Because society is full of nutcases, and as the wonderfully intelligent person sitting next to me suggested, propaganda. The sole goal of human existence as it were, is to find a fit mat and reproduce, but if you are making yourself a "fit mate" by making yourself unfit to reproduce, then what the hell are you doing to yourself anyway? In modern society we continually impose standards on members of society that should not be imposed. Just because the woman in the music video has a 20 inch waist, doesn't mean you should. Those people had to give a blowjob for each minute they spend on screen, so why should anyone want to emulate them. Yes, you may be fat, or at least slightly overweight, but does that mean that you should starve yourself just so you can look great for that one certain someone? Most people are attracted at first solely on looks, because, let's face it, we're shallow assholes as a species. Think of it this way. Yes he looks hot now, but in 30 years, he's going to start sagging, and so will most other guys. Yes she looks hot now, but in 30 years, she'll wrinkle up like she'd spent too long in the pool. Is it worth the small portion of life where they will be attractive just to mate and marry based on looks? Is there something else for society to need? We don't need good looking people to be a functioning society. We need smart people, charming people, intelligent people, hardworking people, patriotic people, perseverant people. Are those people necessarily skinny? No, but why should it matter?


Lastly: Is skinniness necessarily attractive? This is more for girls than guys, because they seem to be looking more like walking twigs as a gender. Ask yourself truly and honestly. Is skinniness attractive? Is there nothing more to a person than how thin they are? Newsflash to many of you: Most of the guys that "love" you because you are skinny are simply selfish assholes who will always be looking for a skinnier girl to get with, because thats the only thing they like. Some guys actually like some depth in their girlfriends. That is to say, that there are people in this world who don't like skinny, or at least overly skinny people. People need to be comfortable as themselves, but still understand that there are improvements to be made. You may be a few pounds overweight, but that doesn't mean that eating less will help you at all. Exercise, adding more natural food items to your diet, these are all very simple steps that can easily improve your body without making you look like a rail. This goes for girls and guys. Seriously, it's bad.

Sincerely,
AotB